does it fit me

this is what bothers me....I don't exactly know what pushes me, motivate mo or sometimes provide reason to make such cruel acts....One time, I went to the mall to buy a branded clothing, don't bother to think what brand it was, and then at few moments after purchasing the clothe, events started to flash back...then I ask myself, does it fit me? Does it make me happy? Does it cover my feeling of insecurity....I felt awkward and suddenly I started to think...maybe its true, I'm maybe a social climber...sounds terrible but thats how I feel...I feel like I'm disguising myself from who really i'am. Too bad, I only get my happiness from materialistic domains that i have. I'm very materialistic not knowing that I already hurting people around me, I only care to the physical content. But let me explain, whats the sense of the meaning of the things given to you if physically I cant appreciate it, i'm tryin to be true to what i want....(suddenly someone answers) yeah, maybe this things reflects what you want but does it take a lesser appreciation just to express yourself? And I answer "nope" but should i kept it or let not anybody know what i feel towards what I want, then it answers, alternatives ways are given to you, all you have to do is to choose and use it. And so I realize, maybe I'm just getting myself into thing that in reality doesn't fit me for now, pushing something that it does not belong may even brought to worsening of the condition....just think of....maybe other way is much better than this.