does it fit me

this is what bothers me....I don't exactly know what pushes me, motivate mo or sometimes provide reason to make such cruel acts....One time, I went to the mall to buy a branded clothing, don't bother to think what brand it was, and then at few moments after purchasing the clothe, events started to flash back...then I ask myself, does it fit me? Does it make me happy? Does it cover my feeling of insecurity....I felt awkward and suddenly I started to think...maybe its true, I'm maybe a social climber...sounds terrible but thats how I feel...I feel like I'm disguising myself from who really i'am. Too bad, I only get my happiness from materialistic domains that i have. I'm very materialistic not knowing that I already hurting people around me, I only care to the physical content. But let me explain, whats the sense of the meaning of the things given to you if physically I cant appreciate it, i'm tryin to be true to what i want....(suddenly someone answers) yeah, maybe this things reflects what you want but does it take a lesser appreciation just to express yourself? And I answer "nope" but should i kept it or let not anybody know what i feel towards what I want, then it answers, alternatives ways are given to you, all you have to do is to choose and use it. And so I realize, maybe I'm just getting myself into thing that in reality doesn't fit me for now, pushing something that it does not belong may even brought to worsening of the condition....just think of....maybe other way is much better than this.

3 months to go

2016hours to go and everything is almost done.....no more homeworks, no anxious forming long quizzes, and more time to sleep. Yup, i'm looking forward for that but is that what I really wanted to achieve, at first it sounds very relaxing and stress free but it becomes bitter till your coming near to it. I have met a lot of people from classrooms, to other section up to my boardmates. Anxiety....that i what i feel right now, from the time i realized that I'm almost done with my schooling, the more i realize how I wanted to be with the people around me....maybe unlike other individual who gets problematic with competition in the outside world as a student I do get involve in that sitaution but what makes me more worried is being afraid to be alone....what if I will encounter this problem, will somebody comfort me? will they be there to provide me emotional support?....(sigh) Sometimes I came to conclusion that why not try to spend another year in school, but it sounds crazy. Well, life goes that way, but no regrets, this could be the best way for me to get mature...I hate that change is a constat thing, I do change but to see someone change especially individuals I stick with, that kind a hard thing....but lets be fair, we can never stay young, we have to make certain ways to survive wether I like or not....Things are simple yet complicated in some sense....I find myself simple, but other see me as complicated, see...that how human beings are so mysterious...ahahaha

2:33am

For passion and beauty I hail her
her sacrifice for which i can't bear
Care and love her body binds
is a truly Gods creative divine
Her simpleness and complexes
restore my little soul from helpless

but why , or should I ask another life?
She began to wither and slowly dry
Her brightness decline and dim to my eye
Another day or so, can't turn back time

though she falling from tree of life
she give me a smile and told me to fly
time has forsaken me, left me bitterly
I couldn't save her from what is reality

I couldn't stop myself to cry and cry
I never have moment to say goobye
Never held in her few time of awakeness
but she knew my affection for her is endless

in memory of my Friend's love

My Vivid Story

Last thursday, our section had a retreat somewhere in Ulas that is in Davao...Knowing that we had our retreat, I keep on telling, reminding and even brag people whom I know to write and send a letter for me for our retreat...I dont know if the letter counts for you to be considered friendly or just to know that somehow at least someone remembers you... Well, on the first day of our retreat, everything seems so quiet and boring(of course, I should expect it, alangan naman mayroong party groove na mangyayari). So instead i focus my attention to the music(mabuti na lang Ipod saves the day).... and so we meet our facilitator...sir Richard is the name...his talented and flexible..he's the one responsible for any technecalities for the program, plus his our facilitator plus hes the one who plays piano whenever we had our praises and worship songs(wooow...hes good, with that kind of ability, he can surely beat john travolta...ahahaha) The night before the other day, we were being told by a Sister(as in madre) that we should surrender our gadgets from mobiles to mp4 players or else our section will have an incident report plus it is considered as major offense....Now this is what I call "welcome to the primitive life" Since I dont want my ordinary name to commit such extraordinary crime, i surrender it away but not the ipod....come on.....this is the only way not lose my sanity....ahahaha....And so the it begin....from standing ovation to do the praises and worship to total silence and mediation for two nad half days...how can I reflect with all this things if I, myself isn't that reflective, faking it will never be helpful at all...music is the food to my soul...but i cant use it, it should kept hidden under my sacred bed and its only accesible whenever i go to sleep or officials are not around...If only harry potter was here...i would surely borrow his invinsibility cloak....everything seems gray until the night of friday when I saw something........(just kidding)....to continue It was friday night when we have our what we call saying "sorry and giving thanks to your classmates"...then the best part in there was when on of my closest and everdearest friend finally talked( for like a semester we dont have proper communication) "We have nothin to talk about" (wala tayong pagusapan) that was she said then she smiled as if I went back from the past when we still have the old times and I smiled as a response.... knowing that all this time, i thought she kept something against me but it was nothing at all, she only felt kind of uncomfortable whenever i'm near or beside her because of that reason that I might not hold back my heart.....anyway...i gave her a letter of what i feel but through a poem( sounds common? I guess so...but that the best way i think i can do that time). Saturday morning and finally our phone were given back to us....I felt awesome not because i had my phone but because of some event that had happened....including that one event the i mention before...though many things had happened in our three day stay in that place, but that one is the best....I may sound vivid, unclear ambiguous or whatever but thanks to God she made me feel much btter now...

Pagbabalik sa isip ni toto

Its quiet long time since i have talked to myself(sounds crazy) but as a human being its one way of human survival....Anyway...this is my first post...Actually i Dont know what to write or post...I'm still thinking if this is the right way to express(char!!!murag bayot). I'm not used to this actually but lets try something new...malay natin maging worst pa ang buhay ko(ahhhLord wag naman bata pa ako) at isa pa wala naman sigurong masama to do this stuff.....hehehe see yah....